Holding Space

Have you ever felt the need to be able to just say what was on your mind, on your heart? You know that moment when you want to just verbally let go? Except you didn’t? You might have opened your mouth to start to let it all go ..... and then you catch a look or get a feeling from the person or persons you’re with and change your mind.

Can you think of a time when you were carrying out a task or making a decision about something and someone kept trying to tell you they thought their way or their idea was better even when you never asked?   How did that make you feel?

To hold space for another human being, to sit with another in their own unique reality and experience -  is truly a gift not only for the other person but for us as well.

What does it mean to hold space for another?

It means to listen without judgement, without the need to fix or give advice. Sometimes we just need to have the freedom to verbally express ourselves to another without fear.  Holding space for others is to support them in their own choices, to not take their power away and make them feel safe even when they make mistakes. It is respecting another’s decisions even though you may not agree.

We already have the answers within us and so when someone can walk along side us and give us room to verbalize, to breathe, to learn, it encourages us to grow and gives us the confidence to look deeper within and to live from our heart.

Living from our hearts allows us to show up as the souls we really are; it allows us to be authentic.

Doesn’t it sound lovely?  Like breathing ...easy right? Fresh air in, bad air out...

Except....

This is a very tough thing to do, often times our egos get in the way and sometimes just takes over. I recently travelled to England with my Momma and she was dragging her little carry-on bag on the floor across the airport. I could see she was struggling and I offered to carry her bag, but she declined. I asked again, “Momma can I please carry your bag for you? It’s not a bother, I can do it.” What I saw was a problem that I could fix, everyone around us could see she was having a rough time, she needed my intervention and I could be the hero and save the day.

Except my Momma didn’t want a hero, she just wanted to take care of her own stuff, she just wanted to know that she had this. She wanted and needed me to just hold space for her and to allow her to make the decision for herself. When I stepped back and looked at it with different eyes, I could see that it was about more than just helping her with her bag, for her, it was about me taking her power away. When I stopped trying to fix her and left my superhero ego at the gate, she stopped being stressed. Voila!... holding space.

I believe that by walking alongside another we give ourselves the gift of connection, that we are creating connection on an emotional level.

By being entirely present for someone else it allows for both parties to heal, grow and transform.

So imagine being able to do all this just for yourself?  

In my own reality I find it much easier to hold space for others than I do for myself. In my experience we as a human race are generally much tougher as judge and jury where our own life stuff is concerned.

It can be crazy making to try and sit and hold space for ourselves. Believe me, I know.  Sitting and allowing yourself to think and feel without judging the shit out of yourself is one of the hardest things to do on the planet.

So what exactly does it mean to hold space for yourself?

Well truthfully it’s almost one in the same as doing it for others.

By being able to do it for others you can indeed do it for yourself.

When you’re being hard on yourself about things going on in your life, in your mind, think about how you would treat someone else who might verbalize these things to you.  Then take a step back and remember that you are also worthy of your own compassion, consideration, kindness, and love.  Don’t misunderstand me, these words are easy to say but can be harder to swallow than apple cider vinegar.

The thing is like many things in life, practice makes .....

Well nothings perfect so let’s say it makes things perfectly imperfect.

Hence with practice, listening to the needs of your heart, your mind, and your body becomes a way of living everyday and these practices can reduce stress and anxiety.

You see the key to holding space for yourself is to be able to see the things you consider your faults, mistakes, wrong doings without judging or harsh criticism.

To own that these things are part of you, and know its ok so that you can move forward in a manner that you wish to show up for yourself in the world.

We can’t change the things that we have done, but we can most certainly change things moving forward.  But that my friends is a blog for another time.  

I leave you with this thought...

No matter whether it is a friend whose choices you don’t agree with, an aging parent who is frustrated, or someone who is grieving, we are all our own people with our own thoughts, ideas and opinions and holding space for one another in this world allows for all our differences to create possibilities for amazing life experiences.

Tell Me Your Story

Laters...

Coach Heather

Life's a Kick

Life ... its such a kick isn’t it?

Sometimes it feels like a kick in the face, knocking you down and trying to hold you there.

Other times it feels like a kick in the pants , saying... HEY YOU!  Move it, get going, and don’t stand still.

We have so many things going on in our lives, so many things coming at us from different directions. Occasionally it can feel a little like dodge ball hell.

Sometimes just when I feel like I am all connected life steps in and kicks the connection apart a little bit and although at the time I feel the weight and judgement of things , these days it’s taking me less and less time to move through those emotions and find my way back to those happy vibrations. The thing of it is, that kick apart is great even though it doesn’t feel like it at the time but it is because it allows for us to expand and grow and find forward momentum once again.

So something happens and I get all invested in the idea of it or the outcome of it.

I do this anyway even though I know that I have no control over anything in this life and that I cannot predict the outcome of anything because there are too many variables in life that can change things in an instant.

BUT I invest ANYWAYS... lol.

I think it’s human nature. Some things are easier to not invest in than others maybe.

But anyways...

Knowing inherently that I can be happy no matter what, knowing that I can be and am happy right now and that I don’t need all of everything or anything or anyone in my life to make that happen is a huge piece of the puzzle that lets me navigate my negative emotions better and I don’t sit in them as long anymore.

Let me tell you how good THAT feels.

IT FEELS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting to this spot in my journey has been really tough. Tougher than I had ever thought it was going to be.

Im navigating through this life and wandering pathways, exploring different roads and directions and I am working at enjoying every moment. I know that not all moments are great ones, some of them are downright depressing and horrible, but even those moments I take and try to glean something good from them and that helps.

Tell me your Story Luvs...

Laters...

Coach Heather

Inspiration in the everyday

Ok people here it is.... TA DAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

My first blog entry for Mind and Body Awakenings.

This is going to be a real people, real life blog and what I mean by that is I’m going to use my own stories and those that give me permission to tell theirs in here.

Life is hard, easy, beautiful and ugly all at once. We go through so much and so many things within a life time. Different ages equal different stages but wowza do we go though some major stuff. I really think we don’t give ourselves enough credit for what we go through, what we deal with and everything in between.  Every day lives deserve just as much attention as sensational lives.

Some of us have big life changing experiences that are enormous and in ours and everyone’s face and some of us have big life changing experiences that happen more quietly and less sensationally.

Who says one is more deserving of awareness than the other?

I did a short speech at toastmasters about finding inspiration in the everyday and I feel very strongly about this. I mean there are tons of inspirational stories about people who have overcome amazing tragedies and harrowing experiences. By all means they are inspiring and we need to hear these stories but we also need to hear the stories about the Nurse who works five – 12 hour shifts in a row, comes home and is raising a family of 3 children, puts hard work into a having a solid relationship with her husband.  A Nurse who goes home after a day nurturing palliative care patients who are on their end days in this life and goes home and still has enough love to go around. We need to hear about people like her who do all that and still finds time to take care of herself. THAT IS AMAZING!

How about the 72 year old woman who gets up out of bed every morning after her husband, best friend, and lover of 42 yearspassed away and tries her damndest to live life as full as she can make it? I can’t imagine the strength it takes her to get up and out of bed everyday let alone to find her happy.

THAT IS INSPIRING!

I was watching these children the other day building a Lego village. They are both 4 years old. They were working very hard on it and a much younger child wandered into their creative zone and started to take apart pieces of their creation. I stood back and was quiet as these three children engaged with each other. The one child began to get upset that the village was getting destroyed by the baby but the other child just kept gently taking the lego out of the baby’s hands and replacing it where it was. This went on for a few minutes until the first child started to lose his cool over what was happening.  Second child looks up and says; “It’s ok for her to take those pieces she doesn’t understand they are important. We can rebuild it 100 times, it’s fun.”

EVERYDAY INSPIRIRATION FROM A FOUR YR OLD

 

Be Inspiring, Be Inspired Luvs!

Coach Heather